Poor Self Image

Appearance is extremely important. Extremely.

Humans are visual creatures. Appearance is the first piece of information we receive about someone (disregarding the internetz). It can be the thing that compels us to say hello, to introduce ourselves; it can be the thing that compels us to stay away, to walk on by.

Appearance gives us clues to one's health. Not only to current health statuses, but even to the quality of their genes. Physical symmetry tells us of good developmental stability. Good personal hygiene, aside from its obvious surface benefits, can tell us that the individual is not suffering from certain mental illnesses.

Evolutionarily speaking, men prefer youthful looking women. Hair is a very important cue. Blonde hair is a good indicator for natural blondes, as their hair often darkens with age. For everyone, sickly, limp hair weighed down with grease does /not/ emit any sense of youthfulness. Shiny, bouncy hair does. Other cues such as high energy levels, clear skin, toned muscles are also good cues to youthfulness and health.

However, although men prefer youthful women, they won't prefer /girls/. That is - keeping in mind I am speaking from the evolutionary point of view - men want women who are fertile. Thus, women who are 'flat-chested' are not viewed as as attractive as those who aren't - they are too similar to young girls. Waist-to-hip ratio is also an important cue. That is, women who's waists are smaller than their hips are viewed as more attractive because they are less likely to have problems conceiving (as well as other benefits such as the lower likelihood of developing heard problems and diabetes). You will notice that a woman who's waist to hip ratio is higher - that is, there is less of a difference - has a body similar to that of a prepubescent's. As in, not fertile, not ready to conceive, not a potential mate.

For the women, signs of good genes in a male would be indicators of high levels of testosterone - deep voice, defined 'eyebrow-ridge' (the term eludes me at the moment), wide shoulders, square jaw, toned muscles.. even the pheromones they emit give women a subconscious clue. Interestingly, as a side note, after conceiving, it has been shown that women prefer males with lower levels of testosterone - a decrease in the likelihood that he would leave her.

As for the uncanny attraction to high incomes, in the hunter-gatherer era, women needed men who could provide resources for them as they tend to offspring. Women are thus attracted to males who show signs of the ability to provide not only for themselves, but for at least two other dependents as well - high statuses, positions of power, physical fitness. This has also been used as an explanation as to why when trying to attract a female, males would give her gifts (to show that he has resources). Much like why a male peacock even bothers to haul around his massive tail - to show that he has been able to get enough resources not only to survive, but to grow and maintain this huge-assed thing (that, and to prove that despite his tail making him extremely vulnerable to predators, he has survived - ie physically fit).

Thus, appearance is important. It logically follows that self-image is a common, potent issue that many people struggle with. We are ingrained to strive to be attractive, to snag that perfect mate, to pass on the best possible genes to our offspring.

But, here are the good news.

Everything I've spoken of up to now taps into our primitive mindset. We have this awesome, more developed brain which.. makes mate selection not so straight forward.

For instance, something as simple as the Mere Exposure Effect dictates that just seeing someone often makes them more attractive.

Intelligence is linked to good genes. Although not the only one, humour is a good indicator of intelligence. Women like men who can make jokes. Men like women who can appreciate their jokes.

From a more personal side of things, I've seen personality and confidence trump appearance time and time again. People are attracted to, and curious about the person who can hold their head up high, rather than the one with their head hanging, and closing themselves off from everyone else. The good thing about this is, confidence is easy to feign. It is also one of the attributes where, if you fake it enough, you will become it. Confidence is irresistible (but, cockiness is absolutely undesirable).

I end off with an interesting fact: the average of all 'plain' faces becomes the most attractive face. That is, attractiveness is the average of averages.




TL;DR - Appearance is a quick and dirty way of assessing one's genetic fitness and general health, thus the obsession and struggle with a good self-image.