Reflection.

I have not experienced any personal deaths or tragedies (Grandpas died before I was born, never got a chance / get chances to grow close to my Grandmas, no pet deaths yet, etc), I am not depressive.

However, life has felt extremely empty to me for most of my days. I've abandoned many of my childhood dreams upon realizing I had no capability of achieving them. I could not find passion - or loss - in anything. Life was bland, linear. I was 'going through the motions' (just writing that sentence upsets me).

I major in Psychology. The first big thing that has helped me steer off of the straight, vacant road that was my life was taking an elective in Positive Psychology - pretty much the opposite of what Psychology has turned into these days.

The most relevant thing I got out of that was Mindfulness. Simply put, being /aware/. Not trying to change anything, just.. being aware of all things in life. All things good, and definitely, all things bad. Mindfulness is not being numb to everything, it is the exact opposite. It is ok to be sad. Be aware of it. Notice how you feel, notice your thoughts. But never dwell on it. Notice things, let them pass. Life is certainly something beautiful - once you take the time to notice it. When you can really /see/ things, oftentimes you'll become awestruck, at peace.

Unfortunate events, while indeed crushing, are necessary to lead a rich life. Something that really stuck by me was being pointed out that without bad things, how can good things be good? Without black and white, there is no colour. Unfortunate events provide for us not only enhancement of good things, but also room for learning and growth. Thus, just by being aware of things, my life already did not seem so empty anymore. I still have no goals or direction in life, but life is so /good/.

The second biggest thing that has happened to me was over a duration of a little over a month, July of this year, in fact. I went back to summer school, and a couple of my housemates stayed to work. I've 'lived' with them for the past year, though I've only really gotten to know them this summer, since we were the only ones around. They have, simply put, shown me a world I did not know existed.

One of them showed me the importance of spontaneity, of randomness, of doing things simply for the hell of it, of always /always/ trying to bring any idea to fruition, and the freedom that trying first, thinking later can bring.

The other showed me the importance of unconditional acceptance, the true valiance of generosity and selflessness, how critical it is to always go out of one's way to make others feel good about themselves and everything around them, to never push anyone down for anything, but to always hoist people up. He could help you turn any dead or failed joke/idea into an amazing one, while keeping the original essence of the thought that you and your wonderful mind came up with - he makes sure that ultimately, the credit is your's. It is very difficult to do; it is a talent of his that I think he is unaware of.

Together they have unknowingly opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibility. I am excited and eager to show every and anyone what I was allowed a quick peep into.


Looking over my posts, I see that the ones I made back in the Spring (March 13th and April 15th, to be exact) are a far cry from my recent ones. Having no goals or direction does not necessarily mean having a meaningless, sad life. Let's see how I do once school comes around. It can just do that to you sometimes.